Taliban capture 8 Turks, Afghan pilot after chopper makes emergency landing

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a sweeping format change that marks the end of an era for the nation's first cable news outlet, CNN announced today that it would no longer air breaking news and would instead re-runJon Stewart let CNN have it over its erroneous reporting that an arrest had been made in the case of the Boston Marathon bombing. Stewart mocked how much CNN kept boasting of its exclusive reporting, which turned ot to(CNN) -- Oscar-winning actress Reese Witherspoon's performance as an upset wife earned her a trip to jail and a disorderly conduct charge Friday. "You are going to be on national news," Witherspoon allegedly told a Georgia state trooper as heBoston (CNN) -- On this brisk April morning in Boston's South End, worshipers filled New England's largest Roman Catholic church. It was a time to pray -- and reflect on the torrent of

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